You've done everything right. You've tracked your food intake to the nearest gram and counted every single calorie. You've sweated, calculated, and you've deprived yourself. You've followed the "calories in, calories out" rule religiously, expecting that steady pound a week to melt away. Yet, your reality has been far more confusing and frustrating.
If the concept of calories in/calories out (CICO) was a fact, then weight loss would be simple. We would cut out 3,500 calories a week and consistently expect a loss of one pound. But that isn't the experience of most dieters, so something else must be happening. The CICO narrative is so entrenched that someone who doesn't lose their expected pound a week can feel like they're doing something wrong, that they are failing.
Beyond the Equation
If we can gently place CICO to one side for a moment, let's explore what other influences could be involved. Other factors in our lives significantly influence metabolism and weight, including:
- Hormonal Changes: Your unique hormonal landscape, including the menstrual cycle, perimenopause, menopause, thyroid issues, insulin resistance, and stress hormones like cortisol, all play a powerful part in how your body processes and stores energy.
- Sleep Quality: The quantity and quality of your sleep directly impact hunger hormones (ghrelin and leptin), influencing cravings and satiety signals.
- Stress: Chronic stress can disrupt your body's balance, affecting cravings, fat storage patterns, and overall energy levels.
- Gut Health: Emerging research continues to uncover the significant role your gut microbiome plays in metabolism and weight regulation.
Additionally, research into Ultra-Processed Foods is showing some very interesting outcomes. A recent study found that people who ate processed food consumed more calories and gained more weight than those who ate a whole-food diet, even when calories, fat, sugar, and fibre were matched between the groups (Hall et al, 2019).
How do you deal with this? Prioritise whole, unprocessed foods. Become a label detective and question ingredients that don't sound like real food. Have you ever found yourself cooking and thought, "This needs some Carboxymethylcellulose to be perfect?"
The Unseen Burden
It might sound slightly counterintuitive, but the journey towards a 'smaller' you can trigger feelings of loss, or a profound sadness around actually trying to 'get rid' of part of your own body.
What feels like resistance is often your mind reacting to deeply ingrained beliefs. You might not even realize you hold them. For instance, if, deep down, you've always believed, "If I don’t lose weight this time, it means I’m a failure," then facing the challenges of weight loss can stir up immense anxiety and a sense of impending doom, even before you begin.
Beyond that central, often unspoken, fear of failure, other feelings of loss could include:
- Losing a long-established coping mechanism: Having to let go of using food for comfort can leave a significant void.
- Loss of identity: If you've always been the 'big friend' or defined yourself by your size, changing this can be disorienting.
- Loss of protection: For some, extra weight might act as a barrier to unwanted attention, and it can feel difficult to be 'seen' differently.
- Loss of joy/social connection: All cultures have a food-sharing aspect that simply can't be replicated without food, and rejecting it could feel like a huge sacrifice.
How REBT Can Help You
None of these feelings are 'wrong'; they don't mean you're weak. Instead, they're feelings attached to our own deeply held beliefs, about us or how the world works, for example, "If I don’t lose weight this time, it means I’m a failure". Acknowledging these feelings is incredibly helpful, as they are a vital step on the path to understanding yourself. By bringing these beliefs into the light we can begin to challenge them, reducing the anxiety and shame they can stir up.
Movement as Love: Redefining Exercise for Body Appreciation
Another unhelpful myth is the "Just move more" mantra. It isn't that simple. While exercise does burn calories, its primary and most transformative role in sustainable health goes far beyond that.
Exercise can unfortunately be seen as a punishment – "You ate that cake, you'd better get straight to the gym." That mindset is unhelpful and unsustainable. Don't punish yourself; it won't foster a lasting love for movement. Instead, how about thinking of exercise as a way to celebrate your body? Find out what it can do. Exercise can be a profound act of self-love, showing your body that you can hear its needs and appreciate its capabilities.
The benefits of joyful movement, even if we take weight loss out of the equation, are immense for your overall well-being:
- Stress reduction: Movement is a powerful way to calm your nervous system.
- Improved mood: Physical activity releases endorphins, boosting your spirits.
- Better sleep: Regular exercise contributes to more restful nights.
- Increased strength and flexibility: You build physical capability that enhances everyday life.
- Improved focus: When we move, our brains respond by becoming more receptive to learning. Exercise triggers the brain to produce brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein vital for brain health and cognitive function (Sleiman et al, 2016).
Your Body's Wisdom: A Path to Understanding and Kindness
Weight loss is multifactorial; it isn't just about calories. REBT offers principles that can help you shift your focus, cultivating a healthier relationship between you and your body.
Instead of rigid 'musts' and self-criticism, cultivate self-compassion. Be flexible in your approach, adjusting as you learn more about your unique body and mind.
Your journey to health isn't about shrinking yourself to fit a societal ideal. It's about expanding your understanding of what truly nourishes you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's about building a relationship with your body based on kindness and respect, not punishment and deprivation.
Your Call to Action:
- What's one belief you might be holding onto about weight loss that isn't serving you?
- How can you incorporate more joyful movement into your week?
- How can you be more aware of what is, and what isn't, an ultra-processed food?
References
Hall, K.D., Ayuketah, A., Brychta, R., Cai, H., Cassimatis, T., Chen, K.Y., Chung, S.T., Costa, E., Courville, A., Darcey, V., Fletcher, L.A., Forde, C.G., Gharib, A.M., Guo, J., Howard, R., Joseph, P.V., McGehee, S., Ouwerkerk, R., Raisinger, K., Rozga, I., Stagliano, M., Walter, M., Walter, P.J., Yang, S. & Zhou, M. (2019) 'Ultra-Processed Diets Cause Excess Calorie Intake and Weight Gain: An Inpatient Randomized Controlled Trial of Ad Libitum Food Intake', Cell Metabolism, 30(1), pp. 67-77.e3. doi: 10.1016/j.cmet.2019.05.020. (Accessed 31 July 2025).
Sleiman, S.F., Henry, J., Al-Haddad, R., El Hayek, L., Abou Haidar, E., Stringer, T., Ulja, D., Karuppagounder, S.S., Holson, E.B., Ratan, R.R., Ninan, I. & Chao, M.V. (2016) 'Exercise promotes the expression of brain derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) through the action of the ketone body β-hydroxybutyrate', eLife, 5, p.e15092. doi: 10.7554/eLife.15092. (Accessed 31 July 2025).
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