It's often said that confidence comes from experience or competence. The more you do something, the more confident you become. But what about the first time? That first day at a new job, that first time giving a presentation, your first session with a client. By definition, on your first try, you have no experience. So where do you find the courage to even begin?
Imagine your first day as a therapist. You've qualified, you've organised your accreditation, your insurance, and your space is organised. But some uncomfortable thoughts start to creep in: "What if I don't know what to say?" or "What if I'm not good enough?"
There's a common misconception that confidence in your new role can be present at your very first session. Confidence is built on experience, it's what you get after you've successfully done something multiple times, so, what do you rely on in the meantime?
From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust
What you can rely on for your first day, and the following sessions where you're building your experience, is your self-acceptance or self-trust. This is your anchor. Basically, no one else can be you as well as you can. That’s your stabilising confidence, the one thing you can be certain of.
It's also helpful to focus on your purpose, not your performance. Why did you study to be a therapist? Why did you apply for that job? Use this purpose to guide you, not a need for a perfect session.
How REBT Helps: The Power of Honest Self-Talk
Anxiety around a lack of confidence often comes from irrational beliefs, such as, "I must be perfect on my first attempt." If you have this belief, the anxiety triggered when you aren’t perfect could put your body into fight or flight mode, which could happen at the exact point that you need to be calm, thoughtful, and present (Joseph, 2016). A core tenet of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) is that we can change these beliefs to more rational ones. You can shift your thinking from:
- Irrational Belief: "If this session doesn't go well, I am a failure."
- Rational Belief: "I might not be perfect in my first session, but I am prepared, and I will be present. As a beginner, it's okay not to have all the answers."
This shift in belief allows you to move away from crippling anxiety and toward a more grounded perspective.
REBT also supports the idea of honest self-talk. Instead of forcing positive affirmations that can feel inauthentic, for example, telling yourself "I can do this!" when you're not sure that you can, be honest with yourself. Acknowledge your nervousness and combine it with your rational belief. For example: "I am nervous, and I am also capable of showing up and listening." This reduces internal conflict and promotes a stronger sense of self-trust.
Values as Your Compass
It's also helpful to use your own personal values to guide you and to support your worries about not being confident enough and to reinforce your feelings of confidence about yourself.
Your values are basically what you stand for, and to help identify yours, try to think about the following.
· Reflect on a time when you felt most proud or fulfilled.
· What core value were you expressing in that moment?
· What is important to you in life?
· What are the things that you believe are worth striving for?
· How do your values affect the way you think about yourself, the way you interact with others, and the way you make decisions?
Focus on what you believe is important to bring into your role, such as empathy, non-judgment, or a commitment to helping others. When you act in a way that aligns with your values, you're more likely to be happy with your abilities, regardless of the outcome of a single session.
A small caveat, while the phrase, “Bring your whole self to work,” is popular, it isn’t always realistic as professional environments may require you to act within certain boundaries. It is still possible to have your core values present, even if your personality is expressed in a more measured way and your work persona could be considered one role you play.
In summary, confidence isn’t the starting point, it’s the destination you reach through experience and is developed through trust in yourself along with an awareness of your own beliefs and values. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be you.
References
Joseph, A. (2016). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. West Sussex, Capstone.
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